24 reasons why i love La Nad as she turns 24

July 7, 2005

(it is Lovely La Nad's birthday this weekend, but seeing as only nerds read the interweb on the weekend i am posting this birthday love for her today.

love you, nadsi poppy poppy poo!)

>>24. she rocketh,

>>23. she rolleth.

>>22. she has killer baps (bitch.)

>>21. la nadine's talent for punning, is to me best exemplified by the time she re-coined "i can't believe it's not butter" as a new body shop product, "i can't believe it's nut butter." ha! gold. (what? we were about 16. it's hilarious)

>>20. HER. BRAIN.

>>19. once, in celebration/commiseration of her return to Chile, she let me nearly destroy her car stereo playing "the wind beneath my wings" at full volume, with the windows up, while i bellowed it into her ear.

>>18. she never got mad when i vomited all over her carpet at any one of her numerous
house parties we all remember fondly from our youth. not even the time i tried to helpfully hide it in a hollow watermelon rind.

>>17. she always makes me the most lovely, Bonoriffic birthday cards. especially this awesome one of super-hot, muscle shirt PopBono with a speech bubble, singing "you are the wind beneath by wings, elmo." rock! is it Bette, or is it Bono? or is it Bonette?

>>16. she introduced me to the ineffable wisdom of 'the book of answers', which i then proceeded to have an inane/insane two hour, one-sided conversation with for many, many hours. and she didn't hate me then, either.

>>15. when we were younguns, we made a short horror film together. it was called "family photo album of death". for this film, we had to wrap our friend's parents in raw meet and photograph the death scene's in Nad's backyard. that she a) offered up her house for this and b) repeatedly handled raw meat, is amazingly endearing. (that film screened on Foxtel, by the way - let it be known, it is La Nad's first screen credit.)

>>14. i know that La Nad masterminded (along with DannyB) my receiving of an ipod for my last birthday. she always, always knows how to make you feel special.

>>13. when she does the special kylie dance for me, it is both hypnotising, and amazingly hot. i could watch her, all day.

>>12. there is at least one time that i know of when La Nad, literally saved my life. as in locked me in the car to stop me wandering in the traffic, took me to the emergency room, then made sure i got to a safe place. please ask her for details as my memory of that event is somewhat hazy. THANK GOD FOR YOU, LA NAD.

>>11. La Nad once made a valiant effort to explain to her dear departed dad, that the group of us "hiding" behind a shrub in the front yard were merely "drunk" and were therefore slightly dishevelled and needed use of the house for most of the day. we had definitely NOT been out all night after our year 12 formal, on drugs. no way.

>>10. a few years ago, La Nad and i used to religiously check out the comedy night at the basement on Sundays. it was gold. we never left until our sides hurt and our faces were stretched painfully from laughter. one time, a large, burly Irish comic who looked like attila the hun was impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger, and asking for songs to sing in this particular style. of course, La Nad cried out for 'wind beneath my wings.' when the dude sang "did you ever knooooooooooow that you are my heeeeeeee-rooooooooah" in halting, heavily accented english, it was the funniest thing on earth. literally, he had to stop because he was laughing. La Nad was hailed by the entire club as the true comic genius that she is.

>>9. bless her heart, La Nad shelled out copious dollars to come see U2 several years ago, in what i can only see as a heartfelt attempt at truly understanding my feeble brain. she thought Bono's bum was pert. that's it. i heart you.

>>8. in a particularly boring science class back in the day, i scribble a series of inane cartoons, "elmo's one shot films present" and she has kept them to this day.

>>7. La Nad saw me through the most horrid, and horrible time in my life. a time when i felt there was not really much point in going on with it. La Nad was my rock, my crutch i had to lean on, hard. and she never wavered, and never broke, and was always there at the drop of a hat. i will never be able to thank her adequately for this.

>>6. when La Nad was about 13, she and a certain other friend of ours were caught drinking creme de menthe at school and were - sent home. the shame! the horror! and thus her fate as a raucous, righteous babe about town was sealed.

>>5. also still back in high-school, we were such an angry lot. we were always protesting about something. we don't want to go to school on time! we're tired! fuck you, we can smoke if we want! what, why can't we drink on the grounds? no, you move your fucking car, miss! no matter what the cause, La Nad was always at the fore, her fetching, revolutionary cap in hand.

>>4. La Nad is personally responsible for me not having a driver's license. why would i bother when i have a hot, hilarious friend who will pick me up and drop me off at will, without ever asking for anything in return? what, do you think i'm stupid?

>>3. the fellas love La Nad. if they weren't such utter, fucking pussies, they would approach her and worship her as the deity she is. actually, it is lucky they don't, as none of these sorts of fucktards men are worthy of La Nad. too bad, mothers!

>>2. i fully believe in every one of her many life-quests; to marry a Corey; to marry BuffySpike (riiiiiiiiight); to establish her own hip-hop/jazz ballet/rock eisteddfod dance studio; perpetuating an "ism". so far, suggestions of "pubism" have fallen on deaf ears. however, i think i can sell her on "Nadism", just like sadism, but without the self loathing.

>>1. her entire, wondrous being: La Nadine has more strength in her little finger than most mere mortals have in their entire body. she is hot, funny, insightful, witty, fiercely loyal, forthright, with an heroically immense brain and an even bigger heart. it has been an honour being your friend up til now (busting a move since 1994) La Nadine, and i thoroughly look forward to forcing you to do the Kylie dance in the retirement home, and no, i don't care if your hip replacement is hurting, drive me to the fucking 7/11 right now!

forever owing you $50,
love, elmoss.

Posted by elmo at July 7, 2005 10:57 PM | TrackBack